The famous thirty-six questions to be in love, made more popular by The New York Times, has circulated on the internet used by people wanting to find love in these modern times.
We've seen many different dating apps and tools to find love, but can answering a series of personal questions help us land a long-lasting relationship in a short period?
With some of my articles up on Reader's Digest and Women's Health and my article on how to get a guy to ask you out, let me share this post containing a list of intimate questions to fall in love with.
Read on how these 36 questions will help you fall in love and test them.
What are 36 Questions To Fall in Love?
In 1997, Psychologist Arthur Aron came up with questions to fall in love to test if developing intimacy between two total strangers can be fast-tracked. He carried out this test at Stony Brook University in New York participated by pairs of strangers, after which they were asked to make four minutes of eye contact with their partner.
These questions have been known to cause mutual vulnerability. Having a complete stranger or even a friend know things and details about your personal life can leave you closer to each other, thus possibly falling in love. So rather than formulating your questions to ask a guy to get to know him, maybe you can use this list to get closer and know each other better.
36 Proven Questions to Ask to Make You Fall In Love
Before doing this, make sure you and your partner are in a quiet place where no one can interrupt you for more or less an hour. The questions are divided into three parts, starting from personal questions and moving gradually to intimate ones. You can do this in one sitting or set a different date for each set of questions. The important thing is not to skip a question and not judge your partner's answers. Take turns answering the questions. Lastly, you have to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes.
This first set contains personal questions that are way better than your typical first date, get-to-know-you questions and could reveal your partner's general personality traits.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
It may be your favorite actor, poet, a loved one who passed away.
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
He can give you a glimpse of his take on fame. Do you think you can handle his answer to this?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you will say? Why?
Rehearsing lines before making phone calls has many advantages, including lowering anxiety and gaining confidence.
4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
What's perfect for you might not be perfect for him. See how compatible you are with this question.
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5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Whether you have that golden voice or not, you find yourself singing to your favorite tunes at some point in your life.
6. If you could live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
This is a tough one, isn't it?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Some of us still fear the inevitable, but we all have thoughts on how we will go.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
These commonalities are just some things that could draw you closer together.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
The answer to this question will reveal how appreciative a person is.
10. If you could change anything about how you were raised, what would it be?
This question will show you what a person values in life as he matures.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story as detailed as possible.
Give him details that you are comfortable sharing, especially if you do this on your first date.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
The sky's the limit for this one.
On this second set are more personal questions to ask a guy. Get to know his goals and ambitions and a glimpse of what he values in his life.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
We all want to be certain of our future. What do you want to know?
14. Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
Whether purchasing or doing something you have wanted for a long time, don't hesitate to share it with your partner.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
No matter how big or small, we all have accomplishments in life.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
The traits of the friends you hang out with say a lot about you.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
Our treasured memories are those we like looking back to. It could be a memory with your family, an achievement, or even a simple one like welcoming your first pet.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
Answering this question can trigger really bad memories. So maybe share those that you are comfortable with.
19. If you knew that you would die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about how you are now living? Why?
Death can get us thinking of living differently. What changes would you make in your life?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
Friendship is one of the most important relationships you can have. How do you value yours?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Your views on love and affection can tell if you are a relationship-material kind of person.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
This could boost your partner's confidence and reveal a positive characteristic that he didn't think he had.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
The kind of childhood you had affects you even as an adult. So disclosing this can explain why you are what you are right now.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Your answer to this reveals more about how you are as an adult without asking about it directly.
These last questions are more of deep conversation starters. The answers reveal their journey through life and their thoughts about it.
25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling ... "
Give three things that both of you appear to have in common.
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... "
Many important life moments are shared with someone.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
Think of something you want to disclose to your partner that you feel would get you closer.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
It's like telling him your first impression, but the more positive ones.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
What's embarrassing before can be something you can laugh about now.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Don't be afraid to share your answer to this. Shedding a tear is nothing to be embarrassed about.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
Is it their facial features? Their humor? Tell him.
32. What, if anything, is too serious about being joked about?
Everyone loves a good joke. But do you share the same sentiments about marks on certain issues?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
We all want to leave this world without regret.
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dash to save any one item safely. What would it be? Why?
The answer to this shows what you value most, aside from your loved ones.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
You and your partner may feel uncomfortable with this question.
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you feel about the chosen issue.
This would reveal how your partner would handle your issues if he were in your shoes.
How Effective Are 36 Questions In Creating Chemistry
These 36 questions are known to foster intimacy and closeness between two people, and for some, they experience that certain click or attraction after finishing the three sets of questions. How does this happen?
A couple of factors lead to that spark or chemistry between two people, no matter how long or short the time they have known each other. One factor is familiarity. We develop chemistry with someone when we realize that we share many things in common, and what better way to know that than by answering these 36 questions together? The more things we have in common, the more we can talk about. May it be humor, common friends, taste in music and arts, etc.
Another element that can trigger those fireworks is the length of eye contact between two people. Remember that after answering the questions, you and your partner are asked to stare into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. Coupled with what you have disclosed by answering the 36 questions, this can make sparks fly.
Remember Dr. Aron's social experiment using these questions between strangers? One pair who participated got married six months after the experiment was conducted. So, who knows? Maybe you can start using this and see where it might lead.
5 Songs To Play In The Background To Set The Mood
When doing this experiment, you might want to set the mood of the place. Maybe add your aromatic candles, have the perfect dinner, your call. But don't forget to add music. Music is known to affect the behavior of people in a room.
1. "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys
With a powerful voice coupled with powerful lyrics, Alicia Keys knows how to put you in a romantic mood.
2. "Drunk in Love" by Beyonce and Jay-Z
This song and rap's sexy, upbeat melody and intense lyrics can spice up the room.
3. "When You Say Nothing At All" by Ronan Keating
This love song stood the test of time, being the theme song of one of the most beloved movies. This song is sweet, perfect for that getting-to-know-you phase.
4. "Way Back Into Love" by Hugh Grant and Haley Bernett
Nothing says fall in love than this song playing in your background.
5. "Everything" by Michael Buble
Let Michael Buble serenade you and set the mood all sweet and delightful.
Downloadable and Printable List of 36 Questions to Fall In Love
Here is a downloadable and printable list of thirty-six questions to ask someone for a deeper connection (right-click the image and select Save Image As...):
Frequently Asked Questions
You might be hesitant when it comes to initiating this experiment with your partner. Here are some common questions answered to further guide you and give you the boost you need.
Should I start asking my friend these types of questions to fall in love without telling him that's what I'm up to?
Maybe if both of you are not in a relationship or are not seeing one on the horizon and you feel comfortable with them, you can ask your friend these questions. See how answering the questions can increase the likelihood of being more than friends.
Can two people fall in love with 36 questions?
These 36 questions aim to get two people closer by revealing to each other their thoughts. Knowing someone better or finding out you share many things or values in common often leads to attraction. These questions may lead to interpersonal closeness, but it does not always guarantee romantic love. But maybe these questions can serve as a great start for those currently in the getting-to-know stage of their relationship.
How do I make people fall in love with me?
Like all our other emotions, love can be controlled or influenced up to a certain extent. If you want someone to fall in love with you, you might need more than potions and spells. Try getting to know him better. Find out if you share something in common. This will likely show your compatibility, influencing how one would feel towards the other.
What are the secrets of making someone fall in love with you easily?
If you have already found someone with who you are comfortable and see a potential relationship, it is easier to make them fall in love with you. Since you already know each other, you have an idea of what they like in a person. You might not be their ideal partner, but putting your A-game into the relationship can change that. Impress him from time to time, doing activities you both are into.
More Interesting Questions To Ask Your Man
Deepen your relationships with even more interesting questions. We have more in store for you.
- Don't be afraid to start throwing questions to ask a guy you like. It's the perfect time to get to know him better and maybe find out if there's a chance at romance waiting on the horizon. Just keep the conversation ball rolling and avoid making it feel like an interrogation by dropping one question after another.
- You might have run out of questions to ask your partner when you've been together for a while. Spice up your already close relationship and make date night more exciting by coming up with flirty questions to ask a guy. You might find some answers to be a bit awkward but a lot of fun.
- Turn boring conversations into more meaningful ones with questions to ask your boyfriend. It will make your bond stronger and your relationship happier. You might be surprised to find yourself knowing there's more than the tip of the iceberg.
These 36 questions have been famous on different sites. And although it can lead to accelerated intimacy and a higher level of closeness, it does not 100% guarantee that you find true love, develop a romantic relationship, or even a long-term relationship. Use these 36 questions to be in love to start a connection or gauge your chemistry with your partner, then see where it leads.