In this post, I'll be teaching you how to ask a guy out without sounding desperate.
Knowing how to ask a guy out isn't rocket science, but it can be intimidating. Telling someone how you feel about them isn't easy, especially if you have no idea how they feel about you.
In my years as a relationship coach, I've given countless tips to help young women navigate their dating life- from finding the right guy to navigating their online dating app.
If you want to know how to get a boyfriend, keep reading.
Why is Knowing How to Ask a Guy Out so Important?
Simply put, knowing how to ask a guy out will boost your confidence and make your dating life much easier.
Imagine having a crush on a cute guy, and instead of having a good time, you're both out there trying to read each other's minds. And while being patient and waiting is a good thing, you can't just linger around a guy you like and expect him to know you're into him.
The truth of the matter is that men are oblivious creatures- small talk and dropping subtle hints that you like him aren't enough. If anything, you could be sending him mixed signals. You got to be your own relationship hero and make the first move.
Besides, I bet all men wish more women would make the first move for once. I mean, why not? It's sexy, and it shows guts. I'm sure any guy would be impressed.
But you'll need a game plan...
How To Ask A Guy Out
The best way to ask a guy out is to be upfront about your feelings for him. Although you might want to avoid asking, "do you want to be my boyfriend?" That's just something high school kids ask each other.
You also don't want to give him a long-winded backstory of how you started falling for him because that's a lot of information to take in, and if you're trying not to get a rejection notice, you certainly don't want to overwhelm him.
But let's face it- every guy is different. You know your crush better than I do, and each of us has to deal with a different set of cards, so it is up to you to come up with the best game plan to ask him out.
These different approaches, scenarios, and tips should help you get a better idea of which path to take once you have decided to finally take things to the next level and tell that cute guy he's boyfriend material.
Here's how to ask a guy out:
1. If He's a Good Friend Already
Realizing that you have feelings for a guy friend is probably one of the most nerve-racking situations to be in. You could be risking losing an important person in your life or beginning a brand new relationship.
Unfortunately, there is no easy way out of it. Having a crush on a guy friend is like having a bad rash that only worsens the less you tend to it. The first thing you need to remember is not to make a big deal out of it. If he likes you back, awesome. If not, you tell him this doesn't need to change your friendship, and you can move on (trust me, you can).
Next, you need to decide whether you want to tell him face to face or via text message. Telling him via text is a lot easier because you won't have to deal with seeing his reaction, but it might take him a while to text back. But if you don't like the suspense and are feeling gutsy, make sure to pick the right moment- when it's just the two of you and somewhere quiet. If you're doing it via text, make sure he's not busy doing something.
Once you have all that figured out, do it fast and get yourself out of the misery ASAP! The soonest you can do it, the quicker you can get over it.
If He Isn't Interested
If the unfortunate happens, know that it's going to hurt a little bit, but that's okay. It doesn't have to change your friendship. Rejection is a part of life; you can't always expect people to love you back, but as I said, you'll be able to move on from it.
You'll probably lose a friend- at least for a while. You're going to need some time away from him to process everything. It may take months or maybe even years, but in that time, you'll learn a lot about yourself and might eventually find someone else to fall in love with, and it will all be just a memory you and your friend can laugh about.
If He Feels the Same Way
Hell yeah! Most couples need time before they're comfortable enough to consider their lover their best friend, but not you because you're already there. High five!
2. If He's a Stranger
A girl making the first move and asking a guy out is an unusual scenario for most guys, but it is always a pleasant surprise. If you're just like the confident queen I know you are, you have a pretty good chance of getting a date.
However, there is a right way to approach a stranger. If you're going to try your luck, you might as well do it right.
Say you spot this attractive guy from across the bar and want to get his number. When walking up to him, make sure to approach him where he can see you so you don't come off as creepy. Next, display confident and open body language- walk with finesse, chest out, straighten your posture, and don't cross your arms. If you're feeling flirty, do a little hip sway- that's one way to get his attention.
Aside from flashing a pretty smile, eye contact is important too. Make sure to look into his eyes when you talk to him. As for your opener, "Hi! How are you?" always does the trick. It's a no-brainer and will automatically give you a hint about whether he's interested or not.
From there, indulge him a little more with a few follow-up questions like "where are you from?" or "who are you with?" And then go ahead and offer him a drink- "Do you mind if I buy you a drink? What's your favorite?" or "do you want to take a shot?" if all goes well, you'll have his number by the end of the night.
If He Isn't Interested
After an eventful night, I like leaving a "Fun night! It was nice meeting you" and leave it at that. If he's interested, he'll text you back.
If he isn't, thank you, next! It's very unlikely he'll reject taking your number or giving his number, but if he does, that's cool too. There's plenty of fish in the sea. The important thing is that you got out of your comfort zone and tried. You go, girl!
If He Feels the Same Way
He'll get in contact with you. Plan a date, and see where it goes! If the first date goes well and you're feeling the chemistry, schedule another! After all, dating is about figuring out if someone is worth your time.
3. If He's an Acquaintance
So you have this friend, and your friend has a friend you like. How do you ask him out?
You can always take the obvious approach and ask your friend to put in a good word for you. But sometimes, a more subtle approach is best, but you'll have to get him alone to work your charm.
Say you're out drinking, and he heads up to the bar, say you'll join him and come up with a good excuse like "I need a drink" or "I need a breather." Once it's just the two of you, go ahead and start a conversation with him. You can ask him if he's having fun or ask him to suggest a good drink for you. You can say something like, "Hey. What's your go-to drink? I usually like an amaretto sour, but I'm in the mood for something new."
Try to build a rapport as much as possible and keep the conversation going. Some topics of conversation could include things like, "How long have you known (mutual friend)" "Did you see (popular movie) yet?" "So, what do you do for fun?" You can also bring up an obvious hobby you know he's into.
These kinds of icebreaker questions can grow into a full-on conversation and is a great way to build a connection with your crush or find common ground.
Cap it off with a simple and breezy, "We should hang out sometime," and then pick a day to do it. It's the most effective way to imply you want to get to know him more without having to blurt out you like him.
If He Isn't Interested
A guy who doesn't like you will come up with any excuse not to make plans with you. If that's the case, move on and say better luck next time. There's always a next time.
If He Feels the Same Way
He'll be more than willing to plan a date with you. To make a great first impression, do a little research and ask your common friend about your crush- his personality, what he likes in a girl, what he enjoys doing, his favorite food, etc. This information will help you plan an awesome first date you'll enjoy.
Here's a tip, if you're going out on your first date, make sure it's somewhere you can be comfortable, like your favorite café or the arcade. Think of it as a home court advantage. You're more likely to move with ease and not scramble for words when you're in a place that feels safe to you.
And don't put too much pressure on it. First dates are supposed to be fun, so enjoy them!
Some Things to Remember
Asking someone out can be nerve-racking, especially if you're not used to going out of your comfort zone. But the thing is that the answer will always be a no unless you ask, so just go for it. Here are some things to keep in mind that will help keep the anxiety at bay:
- Everyone has a type. Sometimes you're not his type, but someone out there thinks you're the sexiest woman they've ever seen.
- Throwing yourself into uncomfortable circumstances (like asking a guy out) helps you feel more comfortable with being uncomfortable. Do it more often.
- If a guy is mean to you and makes you feel bad about yourself, drop him before you start to believe it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have more questions about asking a guy out? Don't worry, we have the answers.
Is it OK for a girl to make the first move?
Yes. In fact, it is encouraged these days. Gone are the times when a woman just sits pretty and waits for the man to make a move. Unlike in the 18th century, you won't be shamed for making the first move. Today, a woman taking the initiative is always appreciated.
Where should I take him on our first date?
If you want a great first date with a potential boyfriend, take him somewhere fun and comfortable. If he's into art, invite him for a museum date. If he's playful, take him into the arcade. If you're both up for an adventure, go hiking or play paintball. Remember that scene from the movie 10 Things I Hate About You? That looked fun, right? Remember what happened next? That's the goal.
What does it mean when he accepts my offer?
It means that he's open to possibilities. It's safe to say that he likes you but don't expect too much just yet. First dates are meant for testing the waters. If all goes well, then you already bagged a second one. If it doesn't, thank him for his time and go your way.
How do you know if a guy likes me back?
It will be pretty obvious when a guy likes you back. For one, if he said yes to your invitation, he already saw potential in you. If he goes out of his way to help you plan your date, that's another green flag.
How long should you wait to ask to hang out again?
Two weeks tops. You want to keep the momentum going after your first date, so you don't want to wait too long to ask a guy to hang out again.
How do you overcome the fear of rejection?
Like I said, rejection is a part of life. The sooner you come to terms with it, the better you'll fair in the dating world. You won't be everyone's cup of tea the same way some people may not be your cup of tea.
More Steps on How To Get A Guy
Knowing how to ask a guy out isn't the only thing you'll need to learn to get a boyfriend.
Check out these other great articles:
- You have to know where to meet men if you're going to find one to ask out.
- You have to learn how to get a boy to like you if you want to increase your chances of scoring a date.
- Knowing how to kiss a guy isn't rocket science... But you can never have too many pointers.
I hope you enjoyed this article. Now that you know how to ask a guy out, walking up to the cute guy from the bar or telling a friend you like him will be as easy as pie.
If you have friends wondering how to get a boyfriend, share this article with them so more women can learn how to ask a guy out.