Ever wished you could have a handy, ready-to-use guide on how to break with someone?
Hey, we get it. Ending any partnership is hard — even if you are the one who wants to split up.
Unfortunately, relationships don’t come with user manuals. However, we’ve got the next best thing: a handful of useful pointers on how to break up with your boyfriend.
But before we jump into it, note this: we don’t claim to be an authority on the subject. And we are certainly not an authority on your life.
What we’ve got here are just a few rules of thumb on how to break up with someone that — with any luck — should help you get through the whole ordeal relatively unscathed!
Why Is It Important to Know How to Break Up with Someone?
Knowing how to break up with someone is important. It’s the single best way to keep the drama to the minimum and ensure that you and your soon-to-be-ex part ways as amicably as possible.
But more importantly, the more civilized the breakup, the less you will suffer later. Let’s face it: even if you are the one who initiates the separation, the chances are that you will still mourn the relationship.
So, let’s jump right in, shall we?
How to Break Up with Someone
We’ll start by making sure that you’re splitting up for the right reasons. The steps below will help you prepare yourself for that conversation.
1. Ask Yourself, “Should I Break Up with My Boyfriend?”
Before you proceed any further, stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, “Should I break up with my boyfriend?” There are countless reasons to break up with someone.
You may have caught him cheating on you. Perhaps the sex isn’t that great anymore, or you two don’t seem to have anything to talk about these days. He probably has a great personality — and a great body to boot. Perhaps he’s treating you with kindness and respect. Or he might be a hard-working, intelligent, and generous person with values that align with yours.
That said, there are at least just as many reasons to fight for a relationship (well, maybe not so many if he’s a cheater). Whatever the case may be, try not to rush to conclusions and don’t make hasty decisions that you might come to regret. Take a few days — or even weeks, if you’ve been together for years — to think things through.
Make a list of the pros and cons of breaking up versus staying in the relationship.
And be sure to talk with a friend, a family member, or a therapist — an outsider’s unbiased opinion can help you put things in perspective and see them more clearly.
But if, after all that soul-searching, you still want to end things with him, let’s go over how to break up with someone.
2. Prepare Your Breakup Speech
Yep, you read that right.
It’s always a good idea to jot down some (well-thought-out) notes and then practice them in the mirror a few times. You don’t want your speech to sound rehearsed, but you don’t want to miss important points either.
The thing is, breakups can get emotional, and people often find themselves at a loss for words. That can leave both you and your boyfriend dissatisfied and with no real closure.
And when you think about it, that’s quite sad. If he’s a decent guy, he deserves to know the full picture — and you owe it to yourself to tell your truth.
So, practice your lines, and thank us later.
3. Ask Him to Meet You in Person
For the love of all that’s holy: if you’ve been together for longer than a weekend, don’t break up with your boyfriend over text. That’s a real jerk move.
If you don’t live together, ask him to meet you somewhere where you won’t be disturbed. Don’t go to his place or ask him to come to yours. Instead, pick a neutral and discreet location such as a bench in the park or a quiet coffee shop — and meet during the day. You can never know how he’s going to take the news, so meeting in a public place will ensure that you are safe and can seek help if needed.
It’s also good manners to give him a bit of a heads-up. Don’t pretend that you’ll be going out on a date. Simply tell him that you’d like to have a talk.
4. Don’t Be Rude
If he hasn’t done anything super wrong, you don’t have to be rude or callous while breaking up with him.
Chances are he still cares about you, so he will be feeling sad, rejected, and depressed for quite some time to come. So, don’t hurt his feelings any more than you have to and don’t go into a full-on drama-queen mode.
Act like an adult and end things with grace. He might still be devastated, but he’ll respect you for it.
5. Don’t Overexplain Yourself
While you want to be clear about your reasons for breaking up, you don’t want to disclose unnecessary information that will only make him suffer more.
If you are leaving him for someone else, don’t rub it in. Don’t compare him to the other guy, and don’t go on and on about how much you like your new beau.
6. Don’t Turn the Breakup into a Blame Game
Once you decide that the relationship is over, it is over.
Say what needs to be said but remember: you’ll gain nothing by rubbing salt into old wounds. Dwelling on the past will only prevent you from moving on with your life.
With this in mind, resist the temptation to start listing every single way he’s done you wrong in the past. While it’s important for him to take responsibility for his actions, it takes two to tango. It’s likely that you’ve both contributed to whatever issues you were having as a couple.
7. Try to Stay Calm and Collected
This is a breakup. Emotions will be running high in the best of circumstances.
That’s why it is important that you do try to stay as calm as possible. People usually mirror the behavior of the person they are talking to, so keeping your composure is the best way to ensure that your soon-to-be-ex will do so too.
That said, if you need to cry, laugh, or slightly raise your voice every now and then, do it. Repressing your emotions is unhealthy and is doing neither you nor your partner any good. The key here is to aim for a sensible balance between coming across as calm and confident yet humane and caring.
8. Know What to Do After a Breakup
Now that you’ve split up, the question is what to do after a breakup. You may be thinking that the most difficult part is behind you — but there are challenges ahead still.
Pro tip 1. Don’t Block His Number
If you ended things on a relatively good note, don’t block your ex’s number and don’t unfriend him on all social media. It can come across as rude and confrontational. Plus, he may have good reasons to want to contact you at a later date. What if you’ve left your favorite T-shirt over at his place? You’d probably want that back.
However, it’s a good idea to unfollow him for a while. You don’t need to see his new profile picture with his new girlfriend as soon as he uploads it.
Pro tip 2. Don’t Badmouth Him
Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex in front of your family, friends, or anyone else for that matter. It’s okay to confide in your loved ones but try to be as fair and objective as you possibly can. Badmouthing him is a poor use of your time and will only suck you into a downward spiral of toxicity and bitterness. You deserve better than that.
How To Get Over A Breakup
Breaking up with a partner can take a serious emotional toll on the best of us.
So, don’t put yourself down if you’re feeling lousy. It’s perfectly okay to curl up in bed and binge-watch Grey’s Anatomy for a couple of days… or a week.
Just make sure not to isolate yourself completely from the outside world. Reach out to family and friends. You don’t have to tell them the ins and outs of the breakup if you don’t want to. Simply spend quality time with them — both on and offline.
You’d feel much better if you hit the gym, go to a dance class, or go hiking. Anything goes really: just get your body moving. And don’t forget any other aspects of self-care that make you feel great: from taking a bubble bath and reading your favorite books to baking cupcakes and going on a road trip with your best friends.
Don’t rush into dating right away. Give yourself time to process the breakup and do some introspection. Even if it was your ex’s fault, no one’s perfect. You are probably a little rough around the edges yourself.
And most importantly: don’t be ashamed to talk to a therapist if things get too overwhelming — your mental health should be your number one priority.
More Ways to Deal with a Breakup
Could use a few more ways to deal with a breakup? We thought you might.
- First, check out our ideas on where to meet men.
- Then, see if you know how to flirt with a guy.
- Finally, learn how to start a conversation with a guy.
We hope that you found our little tips and tricks on how to break up with your boyfriend useful.
However, always remember that there is no standard protocol on how to break up with someone. Every relationship is unique, and no one knows you better than you do.
So, trust your intuition, be upfront with yourself and your partner — and stay positive. A breakup is not the end of the world, and there are always more fish in the sea. You got this.