As a relationship expert specializing in marriage, cheating, and breakups, I've already helped thousands of men and women who have struggled in their relationships. In fact, my work has recently been featured on websites like UpJourney and Shondaland.
Getting over a breakup is difficult, but it's even more so when cheating is involved.
So, let's not waste time and get into everything you need to know.
What Is Considered Cheating in a Romantic Relationship?
At the beginning of your romantic relationship, a conversation with your partner is extremely important. A common misconception is that everyone has the same definition for betrayal, infidelity, and cheating. While a sexual relationship is one of the worst betrayals, don't underestimate the impact of an emotional affair.
If it requires deception, it disregards your partner's needs, or can cause serious trust issues; it could be considered cheating.
6 Ways How To Get Over Being Cheated On
Simply put, betrayal causes a great deal of pain. It's the hardest thing to get over because it's not just about the hurt but also the embarrassment and anger. It affects your life, from your loved ones to your future relationships. If you find yourself in this situation, take the time you need to heal.
1. Don't blame yourself.
It's easy to blame yourself for your cheating partner. But don't. The cheater is responsible. You are not to blame! Don't get into bad behavior of twisting the situation where you excessively imagine what could have been. This slows down your healing process.
2. Think about what you want.
Deciding what to do after a breakup is the hardest thing. You're dealing with a lot of negative emotions and trying to understand your partner's infidelity. Go away for a while if you have to, but ensure to make decisions where you're putting yourself first. Really think about what it is you want.
3. Allow yourself to cry.
According to Harvard Health Publishing, crying is self-soothing and has been shown to release oxytocin and endorphins. This can make you feel better and can help with physical and emotional distress. Crying can relieve pain and improve mental well-being. It can help you let go in a healthy way.
4. Take care of yourself.
Your partner's actions are life-changing, and the negative feelings can take a huge toll on you emotionally. During this time, make sure to take care of yourself. Know how to make yourself more attractive because this can help boost your self-confidence. When something as shattering as infidelity happens, you can feel like you've become a new person. Embrace this feeling. Learn to practice self-love and self-care, and be nice to yourself.
5. Surround yourself with loved ones.
Remember, you don't have to be alone. Being on your own after a breakup can be the worst thing. So surround yourself with good friends and family and allow yourself to lean on them for support. They can help lift your spirits and get your mind off your husband's affair or your cheating partner.
6. Get help.
Don't ever be ashamed to get professional help. A therapist can guide you on ways to speed up the healing process and handle emotion. They can give you valuable tips on how to find yourself again when you feel lost because of infidelity. It might not be something you think of right away, but a therapist can also help with forgiveness. And later down the track, help you deal with a new relationship.
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Why Do People Cheat, And Can We Ever Prevent Someone From Cheating?
Similar to why men pull away, common reasons for infidelity are lack of fulfillment, problems in your relationship, impulsiveness, or simply, love is no longer there.
You can never really prevent someone from cheating, but communication can help. Having an open discussion about your issues, any resentment or anger, and laying out all the negative thoughts can help rebuild a healthy relationship. You can get professional help and try couples therapy to address bad relationship habits, insecurity and to restore intimacy and trust.
Why Cheating Is Worst? Effects of Infidelity To Your Life
A failed relationship causes a whirlwind of emotions. But when your partner has an affair, the pain is two-fold. The damage has so many consequences; it can alter your belief and understanding of love and impact many things in your life.
Effect #1: Self-Blame
You're angry, hurt, and sad, yet you find yourself blaming yourself for what he did! You're the betrayed partner, but you're finding reasons in yourself why this might have been your fault. Feelings and thoughts like you weren't good enough.
Effect #2: Damaged Self-Esteem
Infidelity has ways of making you question your intuition and invalidate your perceptions. I can diminish your confidence and cause severe trust issues with others and yourself.
Effect #3: You Create New Boundaries
Cheating can have you putting up new boundaries. Rebuilding trust in yourself takes a long time because you're tainted from past hurt. You find it harder to believe in people, and you question their intentions. You become guarded.
Effect #4: Grief and Stress
There is a great loss here. You've lost your partner, your relationship, a huge part of yourself, and a lot of time. Possibly, this person was the love of your life, and they betrayed you. It might not have been the result of a toxic relationship, but something that happened out of the blue. You will grieve everything, and the thoughts that come with it will bring stress. If the aftermath includes divorce and children, that is more things you need to consider.
Healing Takes Time, And It's Okay To Step Back On Everything To Do With Love
Infidelity destroys the good foundations of your relationship and questions everything you found safe and trusted. You had invested a lot of time and energy, yet your partner did the unthinkable. So, it's understandable if love or anything to do with romance is the last thing on your mind. It's okay to step back and focus on yourself. For now, be a little selfish and put your needs first. Discover and do everything that can make you happy.
Quotes For The Broken Hearted Who Got Hurt By Cheaters
When your partner cheats, it redefines and questions your belief in monogamy. Sometimes, when you become unsure of your relationship, love, or life, it's good to find wisdom in quotes.
“The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.” — Carroll Bryant
It can be devastating when a relationship ends and betrayal hits even harder. It's not just your heart left broken, but your future goals and dreams as well.
“Those who cheat on their partners who are loyal to them; don’t deserve them. It is a trashy attitude to disrespect a person who is loyal in a relationship, by cheating on him or her.” — Ellen J. Barrier
No matter the circumstances, having an affair is not okay. It doesn't speak well for anyone's character if they're able to destroy the person they call their partner.
“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. Without it, the relationship just doesn't work. It becomes toxic. And the problem with trust is that it's really difficult to repair and rebuild after it's been broken.
“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles, they’re reasons to break up.” — Patti Callahan Henry
When your partner cheats and lies, you need to decide on what you can live with. While others may be willing to forgive their partner and try to repair the damage together, some people would immediately walk out. But only you can decide what's right for you.
“Sometimes there are a hundred lies behind a smile and not a single truth behind a tear.” — Saahil Prem
It's hard to accept that our partner would ever lie to us. To hurt us in a way we just didn't think was possible. Everyone wants to believe that if a person is in a committed relationship, they're committed to their promises too.
Frequently Asked Questions
Feeling confused, mortified, and angry? If you're left flustered and stumped, check out the frequently asked questions we've answered:
What should I do if he doesn't love me anymore?
If he's showing signs he's not into you, you should discuss how you're feeling with your partner. There is no point going through life unsure. As scary as it is, it's better to know if the love is truly gone. And, you might be able to save your relationship by taking action early.
How do I break up with him?
If infidelity was involved, the sooner you let go of your relationship and put some space between you and your partner, the better. It allows you to start working on repairing the damages caused. Break up with him by stating exactly how you feel. Acknowledge what's happened and let him know it's not okay. Tell him you need time, and for him to respect that for a while, you'll need space.
What should I do to avoid being too clingy?
A past relationship can affect how you deal with a new one. Being clingy usually stems from doubt and trust issues, so talk to your partner about how you feel and what may be causing the clinginess. Together, discuss wholesome, less-smothering ideas of what can help reduce the need to be so attached to him.
Why does cheating hurt so bad?
A relationship is an investment. You have given a lot to your partner that you trust and love. For them to cheat destroys everything you had worked for in your relationship. It also shatters your ideas and hope for a life together. Suddenly, your dream of a happy future no longer seems possible, at least not with them.
When do I know when to move on and when to give a chance?
There is no real answer to this because the decision needs to be yours. When you decide, you need to think about whether you can forgive your partner. You need to put aside everyone else's opinions and focus on yours alone. It's your life, your relationship, and only your decision matters.
Does life go back to normal after being cheated on?
Your partner ruining your relationship by infidelity can be life-changing. It may not seem so initially, but your life will get better again and find solid ground. Whether it goes back to the normal you knew is a matter of perspective. You just have to stay strong and take all the time you need to recover.
More Signs And Tips About Moving On
You may need more help, especially with moving one. Check out these very helpful guides that may benefit you:
- If you decide to end your relationship, undoubtedly, there's already a lot of stress you're dealing with. A guide on how to break up with someone is helpful.
- Infidelity may not be your problem. If you need to know how to recognize the signs he doesn't love you anymore, here they are!
- No one feels more lost and needs support than a person after a breakup. Knowing tips on what to do after a breakup is valuable to a speedier recovery.
Knowing how to get over being cheated on can help start you on your journey to healing. Remember, getting over a breakup is never easy, especially if your partner was cheating.