If you're wondering why men pull away, it's probably because it happened to you. You have my sympathy. Sometimes, love hurts.
First, it's important that you understand that you're not alone. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find a woman who hasn't gone through what you're feeling.
Whether he slowly became emotionally unresponsive or ghosted you after a first date, the end result is the same: you're stuck with a million questions and no answers. You're wondering, "Why do men pull away?" "Does he love me?" These are very normal responses to a tough situation.
The simple truth is that you may never get the answers you crave. However, you can take steps to overcome these bad feelings and learn how to get a boyfriend who will give you the respect you deserve.
6 Reasons Why Men Pull Away
Before we start covering the most common reasons why guys pull disappearing acts (seemingly) randomly, take some time to think about the relationship. Was it really that great in the first place? It's so easy to romanticize a romance or even an infatuation when the truth is that you're probably better off without him.
Yes, it hurts now. This will pass. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even a month from now, but those emotions will cool down and eventually fade away. Now is the time for you to be strong, recognize your true worth, and maybe even find a better fella who will re-teach you how to trust.
Without further adieu, why do men pull away?
1. He's Intimidated By You
If you're wondering why men pull away, it might be because he doesn't think he's worthy of you. He might even be scared that you'll eventually pull away from him, so he protects himself by doing it first.
In his mind, ending the relationship now before he gets too attached seems like a better option than getting dumped down the line. He feels that you're worthy of a prince, and he doesn't see a prince when he looks in the mirror.
Some guys take longer than others to mature. Some guys struggle to recognize their own true worth. The sad reality is that by the time he realizes his mistake, you'll probably have moved on.
When he says, "It's not you it's me," he might be telling the truth.
2. He's Not Ready for a Relationship
Relationships only work when both people are on the same page. If things are moving too fast, he might want to slow down or hit the brakes entirely.
Entering a new relationship is scary. It can be good-scary, bad-scary, or a combination of both. If he feels like it's bad-scary, he's naturally going to move in the other direction.
If you think things have been moving too fast and that's why he's pulling away, communicate with him. Tell him you're willing to take it slow or even just be friends for now. Good things take time.
3. He's Just Not That Into You
It's time for some cold, hard truth. Sometimes, people just aren't right for each other. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you — not everyone's going to click, and that's okay.
In an ideal world, the guy would explain that maturely, but that's a tough conversation to have. You can be the most beautiful, intelligent, hilarious woman on the planet, and there are going to be guys out there who just aren't feeling it. You can't please everyone!
Fortunately, there are two sides of the coin. No matter who you are, there's someone out there who will fall head-over-heels in love with you.
4. He's a Player
Sadly, there are guys out there who just want one thing from a woman, and it's not a happy marriage. There's nothing wrong with having a good time, but both people should know where they stand.
All too often, women don't realize that a guy's playing them until it's too late. That's why taking it slow is often the best approach, especially with someone brand new to your life. Even the most charming, sweet guys can be manipulative jerks under the surface.
Now, the problem with this reason why men pull away is that you might be assuming the worst when he means the best. He may be exhibiting signs that he's a player without even realizing it. His genuine attempts at being kind may be taken as a ploy to get you in bed, even if he has only good intentions.
Over time, you'll get to know him on a deeper level, and you'll be able to tell if he's legit or looking to hit it and quit.
5. He's Going Through Personal Issues
You never know what's lurking beneath the surface. Guys are good at hiding their feelings. One reason why men pull away is that they have something going on that's occupying their thoughts and emotions, leaving them unavailable to you.
There are events in life that can put a damper on even the happiest relationships. Maybe he's struggling with depression or anxiety. Maybe there was a recent death in his family. He may just need time to sort out his own situation before he can give himself to you (or anyone else).
6. There's Someone Else
This is another one that can hurt...bad. Love is strange. It can happen in the most mysterious, random places and at the most inopportune times. There's a chance that he might not have been looking for love, but it found him.
Now, it's easy to let your imagination run wild. Don't do it. If there actually is someone else, you're better off letting him go. Don't dwell on it. Don't stalk her social media pages. Just accept that he's moved on.
You deserve someone who only has eyes for you, and he's out there. The right guy won't even think about other women because he'll be focused on you. That's the kind of love you want and deserve.
How to Know if He's Pulling Away
Every guy is different, and these signs don't necessarily mean he's pulling away, but if he's doing a lot (or all) of them, you may want to talk about it. At the same time, don't assume the worst. Communication is the key to a happy ending.
1. He's Not as Affectionate
Sometimes it's the little things that make the relationship feel, well, off. Has he stopped doing those little romantic things like random kisses or touches?
It's natural for physical affection to slow down over time. The honeymoon phase doesn't always last forever. If you feel like he's holding back, it might be time to talk about it and see what's going on.
2. He Takes Longer to Respond to Calls and Texts
While a slow response doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong, you may want to take notice if it becomes a regular thing. At the same time, he could just be busier than usual. Again, communication is the key to finding out the truth.
3. He Cancels Plans Often
If he keeps leaving you hanging when you had plans made, he might be pulling away. This is especially true if he's canceling right at the last minute. While some guys are just flaky, if he suddenly stops hanging out as often, there might be a reason.
4. He Switches from Hot to Cold
All too often, when a guy is pulling away, he'll switch between overly romantic and ice-cold. He may be conflicted. He may still have feelings for you, but he may be also pulling away at the same time. When he's 'on,' he might also be more romantic than usual to try to compensate.
5. He Doesn't Talk About the Future
Did you used to talk about your plans for the future? Did you use to book weekend trips in advance? If he's stopped making plans for the future, the sad truth is that he might not see you in his future. Again, he might just be busy, so don't assume the worst right off the bat. If you're concerned, talk to him.
More Steps on How To Get The Guy
If you're ready to move on and find a guy worthy of you, we can help. Check out these other guides on landing the hunk of your dreams:
- Once you know how to tell if a guy likes you, you can proceed with confidence.
- Learning how to play hard to get is one of the most effective flirting techniques.
- If you want to get the guy, you need to know how to make him want you too
- If you know how to make him miss you, he'll keep coming back for more.
- If you've been saying"I want a boyfriend!" for long enough, it's time to make the big move.
Now you have some reasons to consider, but the simple truth is that you might never know the exact reason why men pull away. You might spend days wondering, "Does he love me?" You might never get an answer, and that's okay.
Sometimes you need to follow the old saying about butterflies — let him go. If he doesn't come back, it was never meant to be. If he does come back, you should open the lines of communication so it doesn't happen again.
If you're thinking that this is the end of your romantic life, think again. Humans love other humans. It's the way of the world. It's what we do. It's the foundation of life. Another guy will come around, and you'll laugh to yourself about how you feel now. It just takes patience.
Why do men pull away? There's no simple answer. Just accept that life is complicated, and do your best to move forward. Look at this situation as an opportunity to learn how to get a boyfriend who will stick around. There's light at the end of the tunnel — sometimes it just takes a while to reach it.