If you think your guy is a serial dater, then honey, this is for you!
I am the resident love expert with features on Women's Health Magazine, Bustle, UpJourney, and many more! I've published a lot of articles about the dating world and given professional dating advice for women. Trust me when I say I know that "I want a boyfriend" sentiment all too well.
Knowing how to meet men is just the start of the dating game because sometimes you encounter a serial lover. Don't know what I'm talking about? Okay, let's talk serial dating!
What Is A Serial Dater?
A serial dater is a person who is constantly in a new relationship. They love the thrill of the chase and the excitement at the beginning of relationships. But when things start to get too real and too deep, they run off and begin again with someone else.
What makes serial daters interesting and very attractive to women is that they're master charmers. They know how to play the dating game and are experts at making themselves appealing. They know the right things to say and are skillful at making you believe they're the one.
They'll tease you just long enough that you're ready to commit to them and then pull away the second you're vulnerable!
7 Signs You Have A Serial Lover: How To Quickly Spot One
Serial daters are a unique group. Without a doubt, they have many victims left in their trail. They know how to appeal as a perfect potential partner, making you believe they're the right person for you. Sometimes it can take a few dates to figure out you've got a serial dater on your hands.
So, knowing the signs you're involved with one can help you dodge that bullet and prevent a broken heart.
Sign #1: He's always casual.
Yes, first dates are usually casual, but serial daters are always casual. They'll avoid any conversation that builds real intimacy or a deeper emotional connection. When you think about the dating process where the end goal is for the relationship to go somewhere, you do a lot of groundwork at the beginning where you try to get to know all about the other person.
For example, their dreams, their likes, and dislikes, their biggest fear. A serial dater that jumps from date to date isn’t going to bother getting to really know you.
Sign #2: Disappearing off the grid is a common thing.
You know the kind. He's been calling and texting a lot; then suddenly, he's MIA. He'll come back after some time with an excuse that is usually quite dramatic as a way to win your sympathy. Perhaps his dog died, or life has been throwing a lot at him lately. Whatever it is and whether it's true or not, it will be catastrophic so you're bound to ask questions and forgive his absence.
Sign #3: Your first dates are incredible because he'll go all out.
Picture that date you had that went so well you were dying to tell all your friends about it. Except, after a while, it went nowhere, and you didn't hear from him again. Chances are, you had yourself one of those serial daters!
Because he's done this plenty of times before, he's got his dating habits down pat, and he's willing to go that extra mile to make himself your dream guy. So, if your date is a little too good to be true and you're getting those overly sweet honeymoon phase vibes, it's a sign he's a serial dater.
Sign #4: Things will get physical but never emotional.
A serial dater will show signs they want to get physical with you at early dating. He might pull you in for a kiss, give you an affectionate caress here and there. And while it might send butterflies to your stomach, you might be left thinking your relationship is progressing quickly. It could also make you feel like you're just a sexual conquest.
Serial daters love physical intimacy and have a strong desire for a temporary, sexual relationship. At least, until a new person comes along.
Sign #5: There are many under-delivered promises.
There are bound to be some grand gestures in a new relationship because you're trying to impress the other person. The problem with serial daters is that they'll constantly make huge promises but then break them; full of words and no action.
Sign #6: He'll make extravagant and charming statements.
You've heard those grandiose statements before. Things like, "I’ve never felt this way about anyone before," or "I was a different person before I met you." These words seem perfectly reasonable, and let's face it, they're very nice to hear, but unless they're paired with future-oriented conversations, and his words match his actions, he's most likely a serial dater.
Remember, they know how to talk the talk, and serial daters are pros at making a woman's knees go weak.
Sign #7: He always ends the relationship.
He might not share too much, but if the topic of exes does come up, you'll learn he was the one that ended his past relationships. The man's dating life is full of short-term, failed attempts at finding true love, or so he'll say. The truth is, he's got a pattern of ending relationships rather than committing to any of them.
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Serial Dater vs Serial Monogamist
The casual dater likes to seek non-committed romantic or sexual connections, and a serial monogamist goes from one romantic relationship into the next. He doesn't like to spend too much time single before jumping into his next committed relationship.
A serial dater is a guy between these two types.
The biggest difference between a serial dater and a serial monogamist is that the latter actually wants to be in a long-term relationship. Like serial daters, they seem to have relationships that don't last long, but this is more to do with the fact that they get into relationships too quickly. So, in other words, a serial dater chases dates, and a serial monogamist chases relationships.
Serial Dating In the Modern Era: The Role of Technology
Dating apps have made it easier than ever to become a serial dater. Access to a new date is just a swipe away on a popular dating app like Tinder. And because of this role modern technology has played, the serial dating culture has grown.
You can now meet interesting people on online dating sites, as mantelligence.com talks about here, and on social media like Facebook, without even leaving your home. In fact, you can now meet multiple people at a time. While this is great for the singles looking for love, it also makes it effortless for serial daters to find their next targets.
How To Stop a Serial Dater From Serial Dating
Serial daters are something you can add to the list of problems about the dating world. But they're not all necessarily bad people. A serial dater is simply someone who chases the excitement of the first date, sometimes the second and third too. While most serial daters won't settle down until they choose to, there are a few things you can try to persuade them.
1. Really get to know him.
Serial daters will avoid getting deep. They'll try not to reveal too much about themselves, and they won't be having profound conversations with you. But still, ask questions to get to know him. You can try flirty questions because they're natural to ask on dates. Try to ask these questions when fewer people are around, so he's more comfortable with opening up.
2. Trigger his hero instinct.
Men love to feel appreciated, admired, and respected. Even the serial dater likes to play hero because it allows him to flaunt how great he is. You don't need to play the role of Rapunzel locked in the tower to trigger his hero instinct, either. It can be as easy as asking for his help.
This works because he'll feel a sense of accomplishment when you're thankful for his help. He'll continuously look for that feeling because it boosts his confidence which might trigger him to reach his full potential. And this includes his efforts in his current relationship.
3. Take the power away from him.
Let this serial dater know that you're in control. You deserve a great love life with honesty, intimacy, and real commitment. Practice playing hard to get and go on dates with other people too. You need to make it clear if this serial dater wants you, he needs to stop playing games and change his ways. If he walks away, it's his loss.
Frequently Asked Questions
There is a lot to understand about serial dating and serial daters. These answered frequently asked questions might help add some more clarity:
What is a serial relationship?
It's not so much a serial relationship, but rather relationships.
Serial relationships are the relationships that serial monogamists have which are exclusive and committed. Some do last a long time; others don't. But the highlight here is that a serial monogamist is never really single.
Is serial dating bad?
It comes down to the individuals involved and how clear the expectations are at the beginning of the relationships. There is nothing wrong with enjoying romance and having fun while dating. But if the serial dater intentionally misleads a person into believing they're looking for something serious, then their lies can cause unnecessary heartache.
If the long term is not what you're after, and you're making that clear, serial dating isn't bad.
Can a serial dater settle down?
Eventually, they might, but it is a choice they have to make for themselves. The serial dater may choose to settle down with you, but it's best not to hold onto the hopes that it will happen.
How do you know if your relationship is progressing?
It's hard to measure the progress of a relationship, but a clear sign of it progressing is how well you're getting to know one another. You go from being just a friend having casual conversations to a person they seek advice and opinions from.
Signs he likes you show progress in your relationship as well. You'll be more involved in each other's lives, where you'll no longer be making future plans just for yourself but with each other.
What are the lessons we could gain from serial daters? Are they necessarily bad people?
A lot of what drives and fuels a serial dater is the fact that they love the validation that comes from a person wanting to be with them. They're not all bad people intentionally going out there to hurt others. Most serial daters are just seeking admiration from others and the thrill of early relationships.
For some, when you're single, it's good to have some fun and get out there. But for others, serial dating is just not their style. It's important for all involved to communicate what it is you want from your relationship early on.
More Tips About Dating
There is no perfect guide to a relationship or dating. But there is a lot of great advice!
- Knowing where to meet men is the first step to finding a great date!
- So you've landed a guy, he seems great and you want to know how to make him want you. Let this be your guide.
- Nowadays, the legwork in building a relationship isn't just done in person. Learn how to flirt over text and keep the fun going even after your date has ended!
Don't let the existence of the serial dater stop you from chanting, "I want a boyfriend!" The dating world is still full of wonderful men ready for commitment!
You don't need to start serial dating to learn how to meet men. You simply need to read lots of dating advice for women to stay on top of the dating game.